judge me.

OH MY another year passed? and yes i am here pening down my thoughts yet again.

2014 honestly haven't been kind to me. Just as i thought embarking on a new job will be pretty awesome, it actually didnt turn out exactly how i expected it to be. well lets say life is full of hmm surprises? i am trying very hard at work to keep focus. bearing in mind that it is afterall a stepping stone to elsewhere. no increment and bonus for this year just mean i have to work extra hard on weekends... yes all for the sake of money to feed my materialistic needs such as shopping and traveling. people always say money is not a big deal but at least to me it is? yeah im superficial. judge me.

next, relationship. i look back and realised what i have been going through for the past few years. i dont know if anything is worth anything. i feel super weak inside me. i made a mistake to send the text and i made everything which could have been dead, came into life again just a few months back. the main reason was cos sth happened within my family was too much to bear. first my grandpa passed away in feb/march and next, my dad's matter. i just felt so weak. i probably have been living too much of a good life, so much so when sth like that hit me, i just get crushed. i hate myself. i hate how i think and feel always full of contradiction.

i just read the quote again, it says it's never too late to do anything.

maybe it is really time i think deep about what i want.

i hate to document when i bitch about people but really, sometimes it is pretty unfair that gender are viewed differently and one gender thinks they have the right to do sth whilst the other cant. i dont know what kind of logic is that but just, this is 21st century already? what makes you think you can do it but others cant.

they say when you are in your late 20s you dont care about what people say about you cos you just wanna do your own shit which makes you happy. but i cant. it's like 3 years ago, acquaintances judge me. and i couldnt live with it and thus cut all ties hmmm indirectly. 3 years later which is now, it seems like the same shit happened and ok, i cant get over it yet. it is affecting me. OMG I NEED TO STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT ME. IMMUNITY BOOST.


people just dont know who you are and dont understand why you do the things you do. ok or rather they dont even try. this is reality, people judge. that hurts.


SOMETIMES, I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE.