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my blog has evolved into my best friend for now. it has turned into a place which i always end up tearing at.

for only a weekend those negative thoughts went away and i really felt like the most fortunate girl on earth. but now, they are back to haunt me again. it always happen to me. ya, why me?

everytime it happens, i just wanna run away cos i dont wanna get hurt. i dont wanna feel like the world is ending again. i never want to feel it again, ever. i always wonder when i will break free from all the sadness on earth. i think about it almost all the time. have i made a wrong step??? i really cannot tell. i wish someone could enlighten me. or guide me out of darkness. i cannot even feel and make sense of whats right and whats best for me. i got lost halfway. was i wrong from the start?? i wanna scream to the sky.

i really feel dejected at times, and i have been sick for a month. my throat never fully recovered despite 2 visits to the doctor. fever, sore throat and cough keeps coming back. what the hell is wrong with me. the moment i recover i eat junk again. the moment everything was right, i make mistakes again. kill me just kill me please.

is it time for me to change route now that i got lost... i am constantly at the verge of giving up. instead of writing essay i just spent time typing this essay instead..... what is wrong with me :'(