hello you. my cousin, ade, and all my dearest friends who has always been reading this blog w/o voicing out here.

anw i've reached a point in life, when i realised we shld not live so much for others, or rather we shld live for ourselves. it's only logical and realistic for anyone in this world to do that. and honestly im so tired about this [everyone is going, but end up pulling out one by one] thing. and i get so disappointed and frustrated countless times over ppl who give false hope. which is quite pointless.

like i told kok that day we went club. hc. heck care. fc. fuck care. dulanz.

i learnt that we shld live for ourselves. and what matters most is that we are happy. of course we're all afraid of regretting the decisions we made. but whats life w/o regrets? it's just how we look at it. why should we force ourselves/others to do things we/they do not like?

for example: my friends' mom loves us going to their place. and she cooks for us without complaints. like very nice hospitality. but my mom? i honestly couldnt understand why she wasnt like other moms. she hates it when ppl come to our house. and i mean it. esp when i said for her to cook for my friends. she has like strong objections.

why is my mom like that?

so over lunch i talked to my mom nicely. like i said sth quite insensitive i realised. i asked her why she couldnt be like other moms. why is she so different. why cant she cook for my friends. then she went on to say its not her responsibility to cook for my friends. and she hates cooking. she only cooks because its her responsibility of a mom to cook for children. anything more, she wont do. and she asked if i've thought in her shoes, like im troubling her. cos shes not young anymore, yet i request for her to cook for my friends. (make herself sound so poor thing)

i was almost close to tears. cos yes, she made a point. cos maybe other moms like to cook, but she HATES IT. and it's just not her character to BE NICE TO OTHER PPL WHO ARE IRRELEVANT TO HER. she cant make the sacrifice. it's just her. she doesnt like it. that's all.

well she's my mom. i took quite sometime to understand her. but at least now i see it from her point of view. so i respect her liking to cook as least as possible.

same for my dad, he is not v helpful to irrelevant ppl.

why are ppl so realistic? why cant they be nice? what makes them think that the world wont treat them the same?

i dont know.

but now on, i will live for myself. as much as i've said so, i'll still try my best to give all out, if you're worth every effort i put into the friendship. even if the whole world said i was stupid, i would do the same. cos they are friends whom i know i can keep till the end.