hello you. my cousin, ade, and all my dearest friends who has always been reading this blog w/o voicing out here.

anw i've reached a point in life, when i realised we shld not live so much for others, or rather we shld live for ourselves. it's only logical and realistic for anyone in this world to do that. and honestly im so tired about this [everyone is going, but end up pulling out one by one] thing. and i get so disappointed and frustrated countless times over ppl who give false hope. which is quite pointless.

like i told kok that day we went club. hc. heck care. fc. fuck care. dulanz.

i learnt that we shld live for ourselves. and what matters most is that we are happy. of course we're all afraid of regretting the decisions we made. but whats life w/o regrets? it's just how we look at it. why should we force ourselves/others to do things we/they do not like?

for example: my friends' mom loves us going to their place. and she cooks for us without complaints. like very nice hospitality. but my mom? i honestly couldnt understand why she wasnt like other moms. she hates it when ppl come to our house. and i mean it. esp when i said for her to cook for my friends. she has like strong objections.

why is my mom like that?

so over lunch i talked to my mom nicely. like i said sth quite insensitive i realised. i asked her why she couldnt be like other moms. why is she so different. why cant she cook for my friends. then she went on to say its not her responsibility to cook for my friends. and she hates cooking. she only cooks because its her responsibility of a mom to cook for children. anything more, she wont do. and she asked if i've thought in her shoes, like im troubling her. cos shes not young anymore, yet i request for her to cook for my friends. (make herself sound so poor thing)

i was almost close to tears. cos yes, she made a point. cos maybe other moms like to cook, but she HATES IT. and it's just not her character to BE NICE TO OTHER PPL WHO ARE IRRELEVANT TO HER. she cant make the sacrifice. it's just her. she doesnt like it. that's all.

well she's my mom. i took quite sometime to understand her. but at least now i see it from her point of view. so i respect her liking to cook as least as possible.

same for my dad, he is not v helpful to irrelevant ppl.

why are ppl so realistic? why cant they be nice? what makes them think that the world wont treat them the same?

i dont know.

but now on, i will live for myself. as much as i've said so, i'll still try my best to give all out, if you're worth every effort i put into the friendship. even if the whole world said i was stupid, i would do the same. cos they are friends whom i know i can keep till the end.

life seems to be rather stagnant for now.

been home for 4 days straight. yesyes unbelievable right? BUT YES. I WAS HOME SINCE SUNDAY.

monday i practically did nth other than to laze around watching tv. shioks.

tuesday i did the same. but i went supermarket in the morning w mom to shop for groceries. the fridge is rly empty manz. so i made my mom spent 200 bucks on groceries. and she's making a big fuss cos she normally only spent 50 bucks on veggies and fruits. HAHAH. okay sorry but that's the good thing about gg to e supermarket w my mommy :D

i got:

1. 2 buckets of b&j ice cream :) i've yet to eat them tho cos im on diet HAHA. choc cookie dough & strawberry cheesecake. awesomeness LOVE THEM.

2. SARA LEE CHOC CAKE. THIS IS SEX.

3. GLUTINOUS RICE BALLS (PEANUT) - MY ALL TIME FAV DESSERT

4. MOO MOO COW CUBE CHEESE. so nice & cheesy luh.

5. microwave pop corn!

6. SNACKS & MANY MORE

HAHAHAHA all kinds of random junk food you can think of. im sick tho :/ but it's okay. yi du gong du :)

and i went to gym. im on diet and yes i need to lose weight. i ran and cycled in the gym for an hour? HAHAHA only ran for 12 mins tho :( too tiring. AND IRVING HAVE TO TELL ME I WILL GET PUENOMA COS I WENT TO EXERCISE WHEN IM SICK. AIYA DIE LA DIE LA LET ME DIE :(

I SWAM 3 LAPS. hahaha okay so retarded. then i was reading vogueee. this remind me, i wanna buy the fred perry one soonzx at kino.

really chillax. wanted to bake but i made my mom angry by dropping the butter on the floor LOL! so yes as usual she made a bigggg fuss outta it once again. so i dare not ask if she wanna bake anything.

hmmm seems like i figured that nobody will be free from mon-wed. tendency is ppl will be mia. like busy w their studies, exams, or even work, and army. so like, having not many friends who are in the same stage of life w you, like for example at lasalle. makes it worst. oh well... why huh. it's so difficult to meet. then thursday, everyone starts to come alive.

for example. thursday i agreed to go out w ade cos it's her last day of exams. then again, wenzhen wanted to go for this marketing talk at 7pm so i pushed ade's to fri. and then the sch has to inform us last min, the interview is on thursday.

so thursday: interview at 2pm. marketing talk at 7pm.

and paul wanted to give me his whole saturday. but again i cant. (why must everything fall on saturday?!) then he asked if IT fair is tmr and whether i wanna go w him if it is tmr. but, I CANT. grrrrr.

then fri is pretty much safe. w the facial session and ade. all planned nicely :) MOVIE PLEASE. i cant have enough of them.

me spending 407bucks on facial:

mom kept nagging....

me:"you dont want me to get married meh? thought you want me to get married very badly.."

mom:"never spend dont get married nvm, spent already dont get married HOW? even worst"

what a cute mom i have.

oh god tmr's the specialism interview but idk what portfolio to bring. HOW?!!!! OMG. this is so retarded. what do i bring for management?!!! my result is not even out yet. frustrating. at least stuff like textiles, communication and design they have their files to show. management? show them ppt slides meh? zz.

i hope i'll be seeing more of my ij girlfriends after their exams. guess i've been missing out alot on their lives. i think im stupid. i dont know how i landed myself here, whilst my girlfriends are all in uni. ohwell. sucks to be me.. im too lazy. i only have myself to blame. maybe getting stuck in ntu might not be a bad thing.

HOLIDAY TRIPS. HOLIDAY TRIPS.

-DAJIE WANNA GO TAIWAN W EUN, AND WZ, AND THE DXPD JUNIORS IN MAY/JUNE.

-HUIQI WANNA GO TAIWAN ALSO.

-KAY AND ZHIHAO ALSO.

taiwan so popular meh? haha. i havent been there before tho.

-I AM HOPING I CAN GO MANCHESTER NEXT YR MAY/JUNE TO FIND NICOLE. YESYES DONT KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE MENTIONED THIS. BUT IM DYING TO GOOOOO. (i hope huiqi earn enough to go w me. sigh.)

-LASALLE FRIENDS WANNA GO BALI/INDO. FOR REAL? IDK.

okok im just stuck in sg for now. shant complain. goodbyez.

YESTERDAY:

1. ME BEING SUCHA BITCH - phone 23% batt life

i made my gf waited for an hour ytd. what a awesome friend i am. but honestly, i thought she could've joined shella cos shella was there since afternoon. and apparently they told me g was gg. so by right there shld be ppl there w her. but NO. okay my bad. she sounded rly pissed.

2. ME BEING SUCHA FICKLE-MIND - phone 20% batt life

i didnt feel like gg to club cos i felt abit sick. so i called eevann. hoping he would cheer me up a lil. he said he just thought of me and the next moment i called. he's full of bullshit -.- but it didnt help anyway. he even sent a photo image to show me he's playing poker w his family. what a family guy. so obviously i cant blame him. so to club.

3. ME BEING PURE STUPID - phone 15% batt life

the throat obviously tells me that im not that well, and freaking pizzas i had for dinner, i can still taste them in my nose/throat right now. YES NOSE.

4. ME BEING EVEN MORE STUPID - phone 10% batt life

i waited for pbff for like an hour? i think this is karma. i just sat at the bus stop alone staring into space, watching ppl walk past. and that guy, he forgot about time and was watching soccer. too tired to be angry.

5. ME TRYING TO ACT LIKE A SAINT - phone 5% batt life

told mardy that pbff had a guest list and since she was at yellow jello, she could join me. we drank at the bridge and went to arena.

6. ME BEING SUCHA BIMBO - phone 3% batt life

i freaking wore a 3 quarter skirt to club. how awesome. but thing is i didnt wanna stay for long initially. no mood :(

7. ME BEING AN EMOTIONAL GIRL - phone DIED.

i felt like crying out loud on the cab back home cos the cab driver went the route HE used to speed to get me home. like what the hell am i thinking right????!!!!

FML.

but okay, feeling slightly better today. still sick in the nose/throat tho. gonna think of what to wear for grandparents' bday dinner later. goodbye.

well, for some reason, i cant be bothered to be on time. maybe cos i know they wont. everytime we say to meet, we're never informed the day before. it's always the morning before it happen. i reached home and lie in bed at 4am thinking WOAH SO ARE THEY MEETING TMR. and then mardy always reply first, or meiyen. then siwei will reply a few words. then shella always last to reply. then subsequently ppl will start saying they cant make it or someone is joining. like.. okayyyy... nice. whatever.

maybe that's the reason why. and i have this feeling. i prolly wont meet them often after this.

i think this single lady here need to pick up a new skill. like pole dance. just to occupy myself. im soon gonna get sick and tired again of this mundance routine. of ppl saying yes then pulling out last min. I-HATE-IT.

okay and my bed time sit-ups only lasted one night. i forgot last night. i need to get nice abs before zouk out and ya it's high time to really lose weight. been eating non stop. like feasting. this is bad.

sigh. i need something to happen, i need something exciting to happen in my life. i keep watching those hk shows, which features damn alot of hot guys and girls and those so-called perfect personas, i swear you can never believe them. they are all lies. after experiencing for yourself in real life, (unless you're so lucky) you stop believing in fairy tales and happy ending. cos they dont exactly exist in real life. dont you think so?

so i think it's quite good to be a teenage girl tho. (im outgrowing that soon) they watch all the idol dramas and it's like WOAH OH AHHHHH... but they are never that true when it comes to reality. they just make everything seem so perfect and they make you believe in them cos you wish to be them. but truth is, NO. THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN. EVEN IF THAT IS, CHANCES ARE MAYBE 0.1%? so dont be drama queen. it's not healthy.

but then again, i might want to be. cos i cant get them in reality. i hope i drown myself in those shows. so much so i forget the world and everyone.

wont that be the perfect ending to sorrows and worries. cheers.

k i cant be that bad. gonna prepare. buaiz.

omg the last crush i had is suddenly so fresh in my mind once again. omgggg.. i am stupid. why cant i stop talking?

my grandparents are having their bday celebration at some restaurant this sunday evening. there goes my carol singing. its nth compared to the dinner, just that i feel bad to pull out last min :(

yay yay yay think im partying this sat :D

pbff says he hate to say it but he miss partying w me. how nice is that :) seems like he's getting to know a gd deal of ppl. which includes vip for zouk out :D HAHAHA SO EXCITED. the thought of seeing good looking ppl alone turns me on alot and i mean ALOT.

yeah im superficial just like that. how? fuck care luh.

ernest 21st bday next sat and im gg w rayson :) sian needa think of what present to get!

next sun meeting eunice wz and dajie. cant wait to rly catch up! wz enjoying life in bkk nowww...

HELLOOO..

like when have i ever like reading huh.

last wk insanity got into me

i went to zouk.

but i swear i look like one depressed kid.

if i could hug anyone as tightly, i would nv let go.

that's if.

BTW,

DO I LOOK THAT YOUNG?

wednesday i took a cab to sch

cos i was rushing late for submission

then the uncle being curious about lasalle

asked, "so you can go lasalle after sec sch?"

"yes uncle..but btw i graduated from poly"

uncle in shock, "WA! I THOUGHT YOU ONLY 15 YEARS OLD."

"no uncle i alr graduated from poly, so im 20 this yr"

"WA. I THOUGHT YOU MAX LIKE... 16 ONLY"

i was hoping for at least 18 -.-

ZOMG. FAINTS. so when i was in poly, i look like pri sch kid isit...

okay seriously need to dress like a WOMAN already.

if not there'll be a 3rd cab driver who says i look like sec 2, or sec 3.

zzzzzzzz.

out w zhihao kathe nydia and reb. sheesh. zhihao failed 3 times but it's okay we'll forgive him :) still love you. hahahah. it was a day full of food, shopping for nydia's present and more food.

i practically eat, watch tv, nap, eat, watch tv, nap. HAHAHA. omg i cant believe it. so shiok. and watched mega mind w irving and stacey. hahah. was trying to persuade irving to go zouk out too. hehehe. stupid gong cha wasnt that nice as the first time i tried and i missed the first part of mega mind cos of that. pure stupidity.

woke up to realise that i havent book the pit. to my horror, the pit is being booked and theyre having catering so there was no way we could have a BBQ. sorry girls :( then i guess they're still coming to swim and hmmm maybe shopping or party after that.

OMGGGGG SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT TO DO. SHOULD I JUST DIE. REB'S BF GAVE A VVVVV GOOD SUGGESTION. BUT, PRETTY MUCH A SELFISH OPTION TO ME. COS IM NOT THAT NICE A GIRL.

HOWWWWWWWW.

now that i met all deadlines, back to reality.

what should i do? sigh i kinda dont want and dont feel like.

i think i know what to do.

it's just like i would love to be a christian but i dont wanna go church every sunday. cos i know i cant commit.

that's all.

i think im a screwed up girl and i do mind how others think about me. for all the negative thoughts about me, i feel like hiding away from the world. i dont wanna listen to them or even feel them.

on a side note, i wanna meet everyone this holidays THATS NO. 1 ON MY TO DO LIST :)

oh and second, I WANNA SHED SOME FATS. YEP.

time to pamper myself. gooooodbye.

now i havent slept for 24 hours -.- omg i feel like.. dying.

sigh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH STUPID.

Paul says: (AM 04:05:01)

did u just say dun need to act also pretty?

Paul says: (AM 04:05:01)

haha

Shi says: (AM 04:05:07)

HAHAHA!

Shi says: (AM 04:05:10)

OF COURSE.

Paul says: (AM 04:05:11)

since when u become so bhb?

Shi says: (AM 04:05:13)

-.-

Paul says: (AM 04:05:14)

u have really change

Shi says: (AM 04:05:19)

assignment sickness

Paul says: (AM 04:05:23)

what happen to u

Shi says: (AM 04:05:26)

eprived of outside world

Shi says: (AM 04:05:30)

*deprived

Paul says: (AM 04:05:34)

stop pushing everything to ur assigment

Shi says: (AM 04:05:39)

HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paul says: (AM 04:05:42)

u are just bhb

Shi says: (AM 04:05:43)

SHUT UP N GO SLP

Shi says: (AM 04:05:46)

IDIOT

Paul says: (AM 04:05:52)

and now u scold me

Paul says: (AM 04:05:54)

how nice

Paul says: (AM 04:05:57)

!!!!!

Shi says: (AM 04:05:58)

i trying to do work

Shi says: (AM 04:06:01)

you kajiao me

Paul says: (AM 04:06:02)

hahahaha

Paul says: (AM 04:06:08)

i trying to cheer u up

Paul says: (AM 04:06:09)

:)

Shi says: (AM 04:06:11)

haha

Shi says: (AM 04:06:12)

ya

Shi says: (AM 04:06:16)

and start a quarrel

Paul says: (AM 04:06:18)

and help u unwine a bit

Paul says: (AM 04:06:21)

o pls

Paul says: (AM 04:06:31)

u just love to quarrel with me wat

Paul says: (AM 04:06:43)

forever

Shi says: (AM 04:06:44)

YA RIGHT!

Shi says: (AM 04:06:50)

YOU ARE THE ONE.

Paul says: (AM 04:06:55)

always bringing me to walk extra distance and all

Paul says: (AM 04:07:06)

then after u bring me walk extra distance

Shi says: (AM 04:07:11)

WHAT?! HAHA YOU CHECKED THE BUS DIRECTORY OK.

Paul says: (AM 04:07:16)

u still say i always complain

Shi says: (AM 04:07:17)

blame me -.-

Paul says: (AM 04:07:25)

it's ur house

Paul says: (AM 04:07:26)

not mine

Paul says: (AM 04:07:33)

or u get out of ur house now la

Paul says: (AM 04:07:39)

i go stay in ur room

Paul says: (AM 04:07:50)

then next time i sure tell u the right bus number de

Paul says: (AM 04:07:52)

confirm!

alone on an island, always and forever will be.

lesson learnt: expect less = hurt less.

hate myself. last night sucked, big big time. place sucks, crowd sucks, music sucks. everything sucked luh huh. and i frigging paid 8 bucks for the bag deposit cos pbff went home w my tag. grr. and someone just have to text me to jeopardize everything to make my night worst. regret much, for gg.

ohwell. boo. wed please please come.

OMG CAN YOU GUYS NOT..

OVERDUE PEEKTURES

YAY. MY NEW MACBOOK PRO PINK CASING :D

THE HAZE WEEKS BACK WHEN I STAYED TILL DAWN TO DO ASSIGNMENT.

WOOHOO.

and this wkend. there seem to be so much activities coming my way. ernest bro bday, kahhui's asking me to go. and cindy suddenly text to say no ps-ing allowed for this fri clubbing. like HUH? they didnt even tell me anything.

then there's nydia baby bday celebration. was saying thurs. reb cant make it. then fri, but reb say i got work to do so maybe after my projects. but think we'll still have to meet sometime this wk luh huh.

shitshishit. why must it be this wk!!!!! :(

anyway that day irving say go ubin cycle. i told kenyon. he's like,