so much happened within a week. i cant imagine life w/o him or anyone in the family. they mean so much to me. been living life for 20 years and so much happened within this small family of mine. yes, i admit some families are so screwed up that mine is seriously nth as compared to theirs. but i guess every family has their tough times. in this life so far, there's roughly one incident which happened to each of them that i wont ever forget. when my dad was in trouble, my mom didnt tell us cos we were young. but i sensed it, i found out, i hugged my mom and cried that faithful night. my mom was suspected of cancer, and i saw that lost soul in her, it felt like i could have lost her anytime back then. my bro has always been the worrying one. always getting injured, made my mom cried when he created trouble during PSLE, create trouble in sch, now this.

he's still experiencing chest pains and headaches/giddy spells. sigh. everytime i look at him, i see invincible injuries. it feels like, they're always there. i hate that feeling. i want him to be okay, i want him to be fine; perfectly fine and very healthy.

im worried.

paranoid much. but this is me. and mom was telling me about my paternal cousin having divorced. and the other maternal side gave birth to a newborn baby. both matters tho one is bad and the other seems good, they created unhappiness in the whole family including grandparents/great grandparents. i dont understand. relatives cant be frank with each other? and cant they be more sensitive about each other's feelings? i guess we human beings are just selfish. and we care too much about pride. idk. either way, i sound like im being rational, but maybe im not. (they could be protecting their own small lil family too?) cos i might have do the same if i were them. but then again, i wont ever, or shld i say, i will try my best to make everything work, right from the start, right from the moment/way way before i start a family.

well, in anyway, what my mom said is right, that family will be FOREVER. whether you like it or not, you just have to stick to it, cos it's YOURS, TRUTHFULLY YOURS. family forgive and forget, time and time again, and they'll never ever forsake you.

that's family. that's my definition of family.

i figure thats the reason why i was so serious about bgr. cos i was convinced that he could be the one and i treated him like family. therefore when he left, it felt like i was crippled and i lost someone so dear to me. those were nights when i would tremble in fear for i dont know what would come my way, and i would dream of what wouldnt ever happen. i took you for granted.

that's what families do. take each other for granted, until one day when sth threatening happen.. you learn, i learn, everyone learn.

so, in case you havent figure, i love my family. and i'll treasure them at my bestest.

my bro's playing dota, having the best time of his life -.- and my dad just came back. we're all so eager to listen to his full detailed happening story.

we're all here for you. so brother, tell us, are you ready?