im feeling kinda empty, w/o cheer in my life. i thought i can live w/o it. but i realise it's so difficult, esp when you see them on fb almost every single day. sigh. it just keeps coming back. why do we all have to move on. WHY? WHY DO WE HAVE TO GROW UP :( hate it.

and it just occurs to me that, someday, just someday, i will disappear and no one will realise. i feel like im busy everyday, but as i lie down at night to think, my heart is almost empty. there's no real connection to anyone anymore. like a person who knows EVERY SINGLE THING IN MY LIFE, LATEST HAPPENINGS. none. they're all dispersed and i get so confused at times. i think if someone were to ever ask me who's my best friend. i wont be able to answer. there's so many, so much so i feel like none is most impt. maybe cos all best friends are attached. and they aint those who will initiate things. been hanging arnd for past one yr and that feeling honestly sucks. it's just empty. i dont know who i have. i guess if i dont initiate anything, no one will. so i'll just disappear, for good? i cant live w/o someone to share my everyday's happening with. to me it's as good as a slow death.

maybe that's part and parcel of growing up, being an adult.

i hate changes. i dont like the way i go to school and i just cant find a topic to talk to certain classmates. i am disturbed by the fact my closest buddy in sch isnt rly sharing stuff with me. sigh. but im still quite lucky, at least i know my buddy still sms me when she's facing problems with sch, and i have 3 other classmates whom i can count on. they're rly nice.

guess im just not that sociable. i hate socialising to be exact. like ytd i was at zouk and yeah this 32 yr old man, what can i talk to him. i felt so out of place sitting next to him. so awkward to be in a place you aint familiar with. but yeah, glad i have k beside me.

last night was good. free entry, free drinks. like the super smooth vodka, was unlimited cos old man said help yourself. so good to be rich? cigar looks totally different from the normal ones, lollipop has a light stick. how cool? phuture was packed as usual. i almost lost my phone thanks to martell and greentea, and vodka and coke. i left it in the toilet. how stupid can i get. and i swear i couldnt walk properly, one of the best nights when im just tipsy but not drunk.

2nd time i slept on the toilet bowl and took an hour to bathe. i literally drop dead after shower. i could feel the alcohol in my stomach before i slept. I FORGOT TO BRUSH TEETH?! HAHAHA. morning i woke up with my mouth stinking of alcohol. yikes. and its weird. how come the alcohol is making my muscles aching all over. WHY??? :(

AND NOW MY TUMMY PAIN AGAIN. GRRR...

i want to disappear.

but before that, i am really looking forward to meeting langston, wanlin and maybe bernice this coming wkend. bbq at my hse. who says 4 person cant bbq? :D