PROFILE

SAY YOU LOVE ME!

has life been too smooth-sailing/good for me all 18 years, that now god has decided it's time i go through hard times? i really dont know.

does the way we think change how we feel about matters? like if we choose to not mind it/forget it, can we really feel relieved, happy and burden free? i highly doubt so. what if the matter havent left your mind a single bit and you're just forcing yourself. now, how do you overcome that? im really curious.

im beginning to question myself alot if i've been doing the right things. why does the world nv seem to agree with me? i wont be perfect even if the whole world is. seriously, what have i been up to recently. i hate myself cos i wasnt like that? idk. life has made me the way i am today. so harsh so realistic.




someone, just slap me. sigh. why why why. i really need to find stuff to do to keep myself occupied and not think about other stuff. i still think my life is kinda screwed. i needa tune it back? like what's normal right. i alr lost the momentum to lead a life normally. every night i just fall to slp myself. i hate myself. what am i waiting for? someone to tuck me in? oh bullshit i shld just shut the comp and go to slp. this is so not healthy. sigh.


okay i just found a part time job and now im gonna check out part time course for fashion design.


they asked if im joining any teams, and so i said, i gotta settle my university stuff first. cos if i cant get into local uni, off i go.

and just this morning, i cursed upon seeing 2.4. WTF, FML. okay but overall i only deproved by 0.1 which is alr good enough to kill my chance to get into uni. OH WELL FML, REALLY. I DONT WANNA GO OVERSEAS TO STUDY :(


ahhhhhhhhhhhhh anyway! graduation show from tmr till sunday! at suntec! come see my masterpiece if you're free, people :) gonna be quite an eye opener im sure. DESIGN LEH, MAI SIAO SIAO. alright, i shld turn in cos i gotta report at 6.20AM. ARGHHHHHH MADNESS. k night!










what adelene told me today, make me feel pretty much like clara is one of those who rly go all out for their friends. i guess if it were me, i would too? even if it's the most boring thing on earth and the thing i hate the most, i would be there no matter what to support my friend. whatever the distance is, whatever limited time i have, i would go. i really would. of course adelene is one of those too, cos upon knowing clara was willing to attend the event alone, she accompanied her. im rly satisfied to just have them only. and this was what tingpui said, "in life, you only need a few best friends who will be there for you always, no matter what" it's true.


therefore unknowingly i might be out of the circle but i guess at least it's pretty obvious. i hate to make assumptions/guesses just like,

me: i wanted to ask huiqi out but then again i think she has sch and yeah, bf?

ade: ya true, like you that time you had boyfriend.

then we turned to each other and scolded each other "shit why are we assuming again".


but rly, it's sometimes a blessing (not in that huiqi case) cos you learn to know and drift before you start getting haters.



so when the skies are getting rly dark and falling down on you, drift away; dont rely, cos they won't be the same anymore.




















okay this is rly a bad habit. no point getting all upset and not gg to bed. seriously, SHI HUI YOU SHLD GO SLP NOW.




SIGH, I MISS HIM? okay this is rly retarded. dajie, wenzhen and eunice are gonna kill me. (kill me pls) like it's rly obvious he was just playing/flirting. ARGH STUPID BRAIN, YOU GOTTA START WORKING AND KICK THE HEART'S FEELINGS AWAYYYY. i guess all i need is a lil time and plenty of stuff to keep me occupied. I NEED A JOB SO BADLY!!!

okay now the reason to that sudden desperate-ness to work or rather earn $:
1. i need to kill time
2. it's time to widen my circle of friends
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY, I NEED TO START SAVING UP FOR A CAR!

my dad just refuse to get me a car. I WANT ONE SO BADLY. k so you see im not spoilt afterall cos i dont always get what i want. SIGH. i cant wait anymore. i needa START to save up. IM GONNA BE REAL STINGY WITH MY SPENDING NOW ON :/ and i will get my first 2nd hand volkswagen beetle (white) within 2 years NO MATTER WHAT. that's my goal in life for now. that's provided i get into local uni. if not, im gg overseas. and that thought just puts me off. i hate it. well i'll still take whatever that comes my way and maybe that's the route im meant for?

i was thinking of taking up part time fashion design course at raffles institute during the biggg break and maybe pole dance too. so many things so lil time! :(



and regarding cheer. we're like 3 days away from comp, i dont know where we're heading. but one thing for sure, no matter what, the best we can do, is to do our coaches proud, to do SP proud, to do ourselves proud, by making the fallen last yr be the king this yr. i guess nth can beat that now. if we lose our only motivation or are affected by external causes like judging etc, we're goner. we're all fighting for a cause, so no trival matter shld affect us. it's the brain/logical thinking over heart/morals, but also a win-win situation cos we're doing everyone proud by achieving our goal. no one will look down on US ALL. seriously who cares about the process during competition? audience will only applaud you for what you put up and not how much effort you've put in on your road to success. to them, result is the best prove. yes we've enjoyed trngs, we've worked hard, we've tried our best. but what are we if we dont win? by winning we complete fully the task we're given to fulfil and we make history. fact is reality is harsh and we all have to deal with it. whether or not accepted, it is gonna happen/has happened, so why not accept it? one last thing, the world goes on. and it doesnt matter if one person is gone cos the other will be born. it's about making history, making "legends". so have you made it/are you going to?










SERIOUSLY FUCK MY LIFE.

as much as i want to say im living good, all these dont last. and whatever shit times that im going through right now, i dont know why im doing it. i really dont know. i hate myself. then again when all these are over, what will i do. maybe just die away.


once again, i hope/pray for some miracle. and pretty pls get me a place in ntu or nus. if not, im gonna die, for real.


if what frankie said was right, i wish i could drink and dance all night long.

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