PROFILE

SAY YOU LOVE ME!

there are many thoughts going through my mind right now. today, yes today, i kinda sorted out my thoughts and feelings.

few days back i was living in denial, refusing to believe all that happened was true. cos it just happened too suddenly. who would have thought that a 18 months relationship would end so quickly, in a haste? i should have seen it coming, but i didnt. cos he treated me so well, making me believe and trust that he will never leave me. but i was wrong. i was stubborn, i refused to change and i took him for granted. he has always been the one giving and giving, and now that he has given his all, he was left with none. that was the time, he got really tired. now i truly believe, in a r/s, there gotta be give and take. i regretted using the b word as a threat when i didnt mean it at all, not even a single bit :(

i've been talking to my mom and friends alot recently. they left me thinking too. at the end of the day, i realised i am too dependent on him. i hate to say this, but he treated me too well, which was why i became so dependent on him. so i questioned myself, like how eunice did, was it love or just dependency? i came to a realization that it was none. it was a routine.

i relate it to what my mom said, "there's no love after marriage". im not sure if it's true, but she added on that the feeling has alr been built on the r/s so much so that you will admire your partner's good points and also at the same time be able to bear with/overlook your partner's bad points. older guys being more matured, will be understanding enough to know what you're thinking, and why you're behaving the way you do. they will not take it into heart even if you scold them for no particular reason cos they know that at the end of the day, you dont mean it. :) so sweet. i liked this part seriously. im so glad i talked to my mom cos she gave me a bigger picture of what exactly love and commitment are about. i know years down the road, i may look back at this post, and still laugh at myself. ppl do keep changing. that's one other fact that i've learnt to accept.

also, my mom knew/forsee that our r/s wont last. but she didnt wanna stop me cos she wanted me to experience it myself. the reason for her stand is, right now we're still young and immatured, we do not know how to deal with r/s. and yes, ppl change, and their needs and wants will change as they grow older. so as you get older and more matured, you'll take your partner's financial stability into consideration as well. she didnt mean anything bad, but she just think that after NS and sailing, things might even change more drastically. furthermore this time it was mere 2 months. then again, some ppl are meant to be tgt, so even if it happened to be so, they will stay tgt. our r/s probably couldnt withstand the distance, needless to say in future. but still, it's hard to say. cos things and ppl do change.



so now, shi hui is ready to let go, trying to let go, and has alr almost succeeded. she's gonna leave everything to fate. if we're meant to be, we'll be, if not, we wont be. she wont wait but she'll trust fate and follow in its footsteps. shihui's still the brave and optimistic girl whom YOU GUYS (girlfriends,mahana,closefriends) know. she never falters for long. for now she's ready to live life as herself for her family, friends and herself. :D TIME TO PARTY after sucha long time and really enjoy. CHEERS!!!!! :D


a hundred thousand thanks to all who've been there for me, esp my mom, reb, eunice, atikah, xiao xiang, ij girls (whom might not know what happened, but brightened up my day cos they made me laugh my whole heart out) and also, jeremy (who attempt to want to help), mark (for constantly reminding me to JUST LET GO and talk bad/complain about amanda and being attached. HAHA!), eevann (not knowing what to say, other than "MOVE ON". and yeah, cry for one day and move on. i like that but i cried too many times. my tears dried up -.-), michael(who's been showing concern since the last time i had rashes from prawns the day i landed), enshao (for the email, numerous online consultation as a virtual friend), wilson (who didnt console me but warms my heart by baking those brownies in xchange for gums cos i asked for it :/)


awww, i love all these pretty ppl who have never left me. just as i thought that i have lost all my friends to him, they never left me a single step. :) im a lucky girl. haha. i feel so so so so so much better now.


will probably post up sth on his blog tmr. just to, put an end to it and welcome him as a goooooood friend. hahahah. i like. it's just like, you are close to this someone and can get along well with him as a friend, but you will not want/imagine him as your partner. its a pretty cool feeling. (which i doubt many will experience :/)




finally, for tonight, i can picture myself smiling in my dreams, I LIKE!! :)

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