PROFILE

SAY YOU LOVE ME!

awwww...




all's fine and well. :) these few days have been well-spent with friends and mom.

last sunday was, cui. :'( got crushed. but as i've said, everything's fine now, we're friends.

monday was out with mahana. went to ecp to cycle and ahhhh, heartache but the good thing was the ppl are funny. haha. bowl-ed and took a bus to flyer to have dinner at popeyes. den to marina sq. the place changed so much within the 2 months when i wasnt around. gahhhhh.

tuesday went to configure the uberrrrr irritating laptop which was just oh-so-stupid. i could take one whole morning, just to start up!!!! wtf. the china wireless software totally screw our laptops. well, supposed to be in sch only with eunice, but somehow paul siying and chloe popped out too. i suppose the whole class will need to visit the centre. thanks to the screwed up RUIJIE!!!!!! urghh.

accompany atikah to rebond her hair. i cant imagine i sat there for 4 hours. -.- anw we went to cck for movie. ghosts of past gf. it just reminds me of him. -.- anw, went to cheer alone cos my dearest reb's grandpa was hospitalised. :( guess it's like fated or sth. ah well, every yr when newbies come in, the feeling's so different. i guess more or less, cheer's still quite..... messy. whatever it means. haha.

wed was my mom's turn to like do her hair. zz. she dyed. so it wasnt that long. i accompanied her back to yishun to get stuff. and then at night i met dajie etc at chomp chomp. the food was rly good. HAHA. but supersuper sinful. gahhhhhh.

thursday i went queensway with mom to get my bro's stuff. then i came back alone to novena to like shop abit. haha. night i met girlfriends to watch the ghosts of past gf again. -.- the dustbin of popcorn was funny. haha. 6 of us couldnt finish it!!!!!!!!! thanks to wanxuan. i was so full lah. couldnt take it so i threw a popcorn at herrrr. hahaha.

friday morning i went gym to like run and cycle. it felt rly good. went to book my final theory. it's 14 julyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. sian. cabbed down to marina to meet eunice and jeremy. we shopped a lil and ate at makansutra. well, i heard stuff about cheer. i just feel, the team which started the cca was prolly the best ppl it ever had. not in terms of the skill but yeah, just ppl. tho they're all from chc. i just need rebecca........ sigh. hope her grandpa's doing good.

eunice and jeremy are gonna picnic on sunday at marina barrage! what a conincidental, cos it's the same day and venue as the cheer performance. i wanted to go picnic, but i reached home last night and my mom reminded me it's my grandpa's bday. ahhhhhh, so sad. what a pity. anw, last night my mom told my dad that we broke up! zzz. my dad said sth rly funny. like men are just being men, seriously! yaya, and im afraid there's no other guys in the world, like they're all extinct, not even endangered!



im super lazy, can i just dont do work? :'( okay, i know i cant. even then, i know next wk's gonna be just as good and exciting. HAHAHA. <3






LOL. if anyone knows what that means, ivan's just being ivan, L-A-M-E.




there are many thoughts going through my mind right now. today, yes today, i kinda sorted out my thoughts and feelings.

few days back i was living in denial, refusing to believe all that happened was true. cos it just happened too suddenly. who would have thought that a 18 months relationship would end so quickly, in a haste? i should have seen it coming, but i didnt. cos he treated me so well, making me believe and trust that he will never leave me. but i was wrong. i was stubborn, i refused to change and i took him for granted. he has always been the one giving and giving, and now that he has given his all, he was left with none. that was the time, he got really tired. now i truly believe, in a r/s, there gotta be give and take. i regretted using the b word as a threat when i didnt mean it at all, not even a single bit :(

i've been talking to my mom and friends alot recently. they left me thinking too. at the end of the day, i realised i am too dependent on him. i hate to say this, but he treated me too well, which was why i became so dependent on him. so i questioned myself, like how eunice did, was it love or just dependency? i came to a realization that it was none. it was a routine.

i relate it to what my mom said, "there's no love after marriage". im not sure if it's true, but she added on that the feeling has alr been built on the r/s so much so that you will admire your partner's good points and also at the same time be able to bear with/overlook your partner's bad points. older guys being more matured, will be understanding enough to know what you're thinking, and why you're behaving the way you do. they will not take it into heart even if you scold them for no particular reason cos they know that at the end of the day, you dont mean it. :) so sweet. i liked this part seriously. im so glad i talked to my mom cos she gave me a bigger picture of what exactly love and commitment are about. i know years down the road, i may look back at this post, and still laugh at myself. ppl do keep changing. that's one other fact that i've learnt to accept.

also, my mom knew/forsee that our r/s wont last. but she didnt wanna stop me cos she wanted me to experience it myself. the reason for her stand is, right now we're still young and immatured, we do not know how to deal with r/s. and yes, ppl change, and their needs and wants will change as they grow older. so as you get older and more matured, you'll take your partner's financial stability into consideration as well. she didnt mean anything bad, but she just think that after NS and sailing, things might even change more drastically. furthermore this time it was mere 2 months. then again, some ppl are meant to be tgt, so even if it happened to be so, they will stay tgt. our r/s probably couldnt withstand the distance, needless to say in future. but still, it's hard to say. cos things and ppl do change.



so now, shi hui is ready to let go, trying to let go, and has alr almost succeeded. she's gonna leave everything to fate. if we're meant to be, we'll be, if not, we wont be. she wont wait but she'll trust fate and follow in its footsteps. shihui's still the brave and optimistic girl whom YOU GUYS (girlfriends,mahana,closefriends) know. she never falters for long. for now she's ready to live life as herself for her family, friends and herself. :D TIME TO PARTY after sucha long time and really enjoy. CHEERS!!!!! :D


a hundred thousand thanks to all who've been there for me, esp my mom, reb, eunice, atikah, xiao xiang, ij girls (whom might not know what happened, but brightened up my day cos they made me laugh my whole heart out) and also, jeremy (who attempt to want to help), mark (for constantly reminding me to JUST LET GO and talk bad/complain about amanda and being attached. HAHA!), eevann (not knowing what to say, other than "MOVE ON". and yeah, cry for one day and move on. i like that but i cried too many times. my tears dried up -.-), michael(who's been showing concern since the last time i had rashes from prawns the day i landed), enshao (for the email, numerous online consultation as a virtual friend), wilson (who didnt console me but warms my heart by baking those brownies in xchange for gums cos i asked for it :/)


awww, i love all these pretty ppl who have never left me. just as i thought that i have lost all my friends to him, they never left me a single step. :) im a lucky girl. haha. i feel so so so so so much better now.


will probably post up sth on his blog tmr. just to, put an end to it and welcome him as a goooooood friend. hahahah. i like. it's just like, you are close to this someone and can get along well with him as a friend, but you will not want/imagine him as your partner. its a pretty cool feeling. (which i doubt many will experience :/)




finally, for tonight, i can picture myself smiling in my dreams, I LIKE!! :)




i could barely sleep last night. i really couldnt/cant do. after talking to my mum, i have decided to give it my one and only, last best shot. things may turn for the better or worse. maybe im prepared, maybe im not. no matter what comes my way, i'll stay positive. afterall life goes on. that's what everyone says.


so,
shut those eyes, and say, everything's gonna be okay.




thursday afternoon i went down to swim. at night i met my girlfriends. they could all bearly recognise me. cos my hair was just oh so different. but i had a great time laughing with them, talking. i wished we could stay that way forever too? i wanna go back to sec sch. :'( life was so much more peaceful. midnight i was crying my whole heart out cos i couldnt take all that was happening. things got better tho.

recently i only sleep for a few hours. like thurs night i slept for about 4 plus hours. then last night i slept for only 3 plus hours. i think i will die real soon.

ytd tanning at sentosa in the morning was one of those things which i rly yearn to do with him when i got back. but it wasnt realised. i was there with someone else instead. didnt get burnt but i got red. -.-

rushed back for lunch and shower and i was out again. met dajie and accompany at town for dinner, then later in the night to clarke quay and zouk to celebrate eunice's belated bday. i think i was the only one who was really dancing throughout.. apparently it didnt ease any of the pain i was undergoing. in fact i missed him alot cos everyone was asking where he was. once again, i wish, i really wish, he was there, to dance with me. he must be thinking he just got lucky cos he wont want one who drink to be with him. and also, he was interested in whether we got busted. hell no? why wont the pain just go away. isnt alcohol supposed to make you forget everything. clubbing's like, just dance and drink only. like, just another kind of recreation to pass time. thats what i feel. so it's just about hanging out with your friends, socializing.


god, tell me, what shld i do now.



at the end of the day, i still wanna believe and say, shut those eyes and say, everything's gonna be okay. will they?




woah, i had a rly bad morning.

it seems weird how things are falling tgt for the next few days. feels like it was god's arrangement to keep me rly occupied. even my pri sch class's gonna have a gathering. rather amazed tho.

my grandpa just came over and he's gg down to swim. once again, things nv remain the same. it brings back memories of those sundays when he would bring us down to tampines swimming complex w/o fail. it was sth we always looked forward to when we were young.

when we were younger.

how i wish, we never grew up.


meeting girlfriends later. i got the urge to walk to town from here. i must be crazy, yes i am. maybe tmr..




i was oh-so-damn-irritating, right? haha.


spent the whole day unpacking. im gonna sell a jumper and long skirt/dress i guess. my fav top's the one i bought from some german brand shop. it costs me 199RMB. which is like 45 sgd. zz. super ex for a flimsy piece of top. but i love the loud colours and details. pretty, rare. :) my mum love those t-shirts i bought. they damn super cute and costs like only 6SGD each. cheap like dunno what, seriously. those hot pants i got for 10SGD. cheappppp like meatballs. haha. (time to rly slim now! okay, easier said than done.)


for now, im rather occupied for the next few days. girlfriends, mahana, atikah, classmates. im gonna swim, do my own manicure, etc. just enjoy myself. i slp so lil nowadays. i think i only slept for 5 hours? god. the world's changing. haha. still i wanna say, it feels so damn good to be back home, to slp on that COMFY PILLOW!!!! (the dalian's pillow gave me backaches) but im sweating like hell, cos the weather's rly hawtttttttttt. its okay, everything's gonna be okay!


oh and this is what enshao taught me: "i can handle it myself."


haha, wth. im gonna do that anw. tata!




im itching like hell when i only ate THREE lil prawns. *scratches neck*

god, btw hello peeps, im back at home. :D things havent been well in a way, the world came crashing down on me. but nevertheless im back home. so i guess it will be my retreat place for now.

everything seems different in just 2 months. haha.. prolly got used to the low basin back in Dalian and the small shower head whereby cold water will suddenly turn hot, like seriously burnt me several times. i got at least 3 burnt scars from this trip. zz. how bad can it get uh :(

the things in China are dirt cheap, like just buy only.. so i ended up with a hell lot of stuff. i just cant stop shopping. HAHAHA. and guess what, the best part, THE GREAT SINGAPORE SALE IS HERE. HOHOHO. im gonna drag my mum along ;p just, cant help it!

since im rather down these days, or rather, supersuper down, im gonna start meeting up ppl whom i havent seen for ages. i wanna occupy myself with stuff. if not, i will be like dajie and chloe, be a zai nu. just stay home and chiong all the korean shows. how i wish i could escape from reality, but i still got a report unfinished! *shrugs work makes me feel moody too. :(

now the crucial part, i feel stupid. :( i guess i was wrong from the start. and this is the thing about me. dajie etc. kept complaining about me complaining about stuff which have alr happened. so, now im gonna do just this. i wonder why ppl keep falling into the same trap over and over again, believing that their wish/dream will come true. afterall, how many survive the odds to become what they are today? it's just a big fat lie when ppl tell you ilyf. believe me or not. im not trying to be negative, but just, isnt this the real world. nothing stays the same forever.

or maybe, im wrong. cos whats meant to be will be, and what isnt meant to be wont be.

in whatever case, i only believe in love as long as you can. it hurts tho. really do.

maybe im not making any sense, but all these are rly, breaking the lil heart of mine. i guess, no any other in the next few years. cos its too frightening, way too horribleee. cant take anymore of these stupid cycle.


at the end of the day, the question which kept me thinking was: what was the past to you? probably just mundane memories. :)

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